so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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