I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
