wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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