the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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