i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
