I wannas sexs uuuuu
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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