There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
