I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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