think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
