Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
