So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A bitchslap is in order.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
