porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
