Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
