we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
