i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
