You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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