come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
