You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
