I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
there is glitter all over my balls
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