I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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