I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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