im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
