He told me they were just razor bumps!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
