Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
