the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dick very happy bro
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
