So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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