She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
