My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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