I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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