RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
