6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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