last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
