Dude my mom stole all your condoms
someone threw a dead crab at me
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
