I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
