Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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