five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
