: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
