Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
