I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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