Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
