He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
