we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
