Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
