sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
