apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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