I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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