go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
