I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
