i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
