apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
