Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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