i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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