sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
