He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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